Fall
by iluvzuzu
Summary: Castiel apologizes to Sam for thinking he was evil. Cas-Sam-bonding/friendship. Oneshot. Written around ep 516, but doesn't have anything to do with the episode. "The more I doubt, the more human I become."


**This is really random. I wrote this around episode 516-ish. I wanted to post it before the end of the season even though I didn't put a lot of research into it... like I don't remember if they actually had a similar conversation, but I feel like I would remember if they did, so whatever. It's pretty and symbolic kinda. So. Feedback?**

"I'm sorry."

Sam looked up. "Cas? Where's Dean?"

"Sleeping in the bed beside yours, I would assume."

It was then that Sam noticed his surroundings. He was standing on the top of a very tall building, leaning against the railing and looking down at the minuscule cars and people and trees below him. "Am I dreaming?"

"Yes. I think you were about to jump off. But it's only a dream." Castiel's brow furrowed as he frowned. "I came to tell you that I'm sorry."

"About what?" Sam asked, turning around to lean against the railing the other way, facing the angel in front of him.

"Judging you. I assumed you were inherently evil because of the things you were doing. But now I am coming to understand why you did them."

"Oh." Sam looked at his large feet. "Right."

"A lot of humans believe in angels," Castiel said, crossing his arms and leaning his back against the railing beside Sam, looking out at the foggy morning-like sky inside the boy's head. He blinked his piercing eyes a couple of times, before squinting up at Sam. "Not most, but a lot. None of them are hunters."

Sam gave a humorless chuckle. "Well, yeah. That's 'cause all they see is the evil in everything. When you're so immersed in it all... you start to forget."

"You once saw the good in everything," Castiel reminded him.

"Yeah." Sam pressed his lips together, his eyes still cast downward. The silence stretched a long time.

"There's another thing I'm sorry about," Castiel offered.

"What's that, Cas?" Sam said, smiling a little bit as he looked down to meet the angel's eyes.

"You always believed in us. You believed that if there could be something so evil as a demon, there had to be someone so good as an angel." Castiel paused. "And now the angels are against you, too."

"You're not," Sam said.

Castiel looked slightly troubled as he nodded. "I'm not."

Sam smiled, unable to stop himself. "Thanks for that, by the way."

"I have never been sorry about anything before," Castiel admitted. "I think it comes with feeling doubt - the faith is what keeps me an angel... and the more I doubt, the more human I become."

"But you never lost faith in God," Sam said, almost as though he was asking a tentative question.

"No. But I have lost faith in my own kind, as Lucifer did once, and Anna." Castiel breathed in a long, deep breath. "I don't want to fall."

"And that's what's stopping you," Sam said. "As long as you refuse to fall, you won't, right?"

"I don't know. All I know is that I get weaker by the day. But I am no longer against you, Sam. I want to help you fight destiny. Even if it is hopeless in the end, I want to have the knowledge that we tried. Dean is very close to giving up; I can see it in his eyes."

Sam swallowed. "I know," he said, his voice low and graveled.

"But you also know that he will never fully give up on you," Castiel said, sounding, for a moment, almost comforting. "Your brother cares for you more than anything else in his world."

"Even his car?" Sam joked. The sky in his mind was beginning to clear, and he felt the sunshine on his skin.

Castiel's concerned expression barely lightened. "Of course." He paused. "Sam - your mother told you that angels were watching over you?"

"That's what Dean told me. I don't remember her." The clouds that had been parting started closing together again.

"The others may be against you, but remember that I am your friend, now. I'm always on your side. Watching over you. Have faith, Sam, as you always have. Destiny cannot dictate everything. We can stop this, we just... have to have faith that God will hear us as we fall." And with that, the angel in the trenchcoat had disappeared, leaving Sam alone on the top of a skyscraper in the midst of a partly cloudy sky.

He jumped.

**The end?**


End file.
